she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
