he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
