"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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