you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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