so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
