you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
