would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize