he wants to bone in the snuggie
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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