is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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