420 ftw
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
