just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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