My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
