He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
