just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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