Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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