Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
