i already hear my dad disowning me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
