A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
