Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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