I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
