I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
