I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
