i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
