Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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