I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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