There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
