when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
