...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
