she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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