I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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