I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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