How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
