blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
