well you can't waste a boner
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
