I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
