but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
