apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
