Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
