The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize