tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
