is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
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