Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
