she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
birth control should be required to get into college
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
