you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
