508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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