Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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