Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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