I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
