Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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