yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize