I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
