I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
PANTIES FOUND
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