I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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