i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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