just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize