I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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