OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Green mimosas i think yes
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
