ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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