he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
