someone threw a dead crab at me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
