im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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