so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
