I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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