I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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