I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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