On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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