rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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