Where did you get a picture of my penis
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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