Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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