I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
