I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
