you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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