Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
