Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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