hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
vagina is talking i cant
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
