Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
