Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
two words: eviction party
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
